Sunday, May 17, 2009

My favorite part of a day

My favorite part of a day is when I rock my baby Taylor Grace. Still, at now 17 months (yesterday), I rock her to sleep for her nap and bedtime. I know she is getting old for this and she doesn't always fall asleep while rocking anymore... but I still enjoy my snuggle time with her. I used to rock her while nursing her to sleep in her quiet bedroom, so now I continue the routine with a sippy cup. I know that it has been almost 2 months since my miscarriage, but this routine helped me through those hard moments. To hold and cherish my baby. I know if I did not miscarry before (Dec 06), I would not have Taylor to cuddle. There were many nights in March and April that I cried and prayed as I rocked her. Just thanking God for giving me my girls to love and trying to find some understanding of why he would take another pregnancy away from us. Also, to pray for another baby. I know that this is also why I have thrown myself so hard into working out, to keep my mind off of what isn't. It may be selfish thoughts, but we have 2 neighbors who are very pregnant, there is a gal at MOPS who the day I told my table I miscarried was telling hers that she was pregnant, plus a few other gals that I know that are very pregant. We got a call the other day to tell us that friends of ours in Kansas are expecting, a surprise. She has 3 boys by a previous marriage and they have 2 boys together and she is pregnant and due in October. I think we are going to see them this summer and it makes me sad since I would have been due the month after her.

I do have a cute/happy thing to share on this topic. The other night Alex really wanted to pray. Wade told her that we pray at bedtime, she was in her room, waiting to pray... I finally told her that she doesn't have to pray at bedtime, or in her room, or in the dark. She can pray where and whenever she wants. So in the living room, she folded her hands and said,
"Dear God, please give us another baby to make Mommy happy. Amen!"

I have been up this morning since about 3:45 am. I love to rock my baby, but not so much at quater to four in the morning! She did not sleep soundly until about 5:30 when I came downstairs to allow Jillian to kick my butt- then did the eliptical. It is going to be a long day!

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